Poetry

lesson

If the rain you left behind
for me to deal with
taught me anything in this life,
it would be that after every shower
there would be rays of the sun
so I will believe the sky when it cries
that all will be okay
eventually.

– London, 30th July 2017


someday

Someday you will stop
searching for another half
to make you a better part
because everyone has made you believe
that that’s what’s missing.
Fun fact: it’s not.

– London, 22nd July 2017


stage fright

I will show you
exactly how it feels like
to drown when you’re not under water
to fly with two feet on the ground
to smile with no memory how to
and to lie and get away with it
because it’s just
what other people want to see
and all they’ll ever believe

– London, 10th July 2017


painter
(excerpt)

draw you,
your true you.
the you that stays awake all night
counting mistakes instead of sheep.
the you that moves in depths of thoughts.
draw.
and don’t dare to fix anything.
for once draw messily.

– Arden Moore's Naked As We Came


hear me out

I’m pretty sure
you don’t exactly want to hear this
coming from me
but whether you believe it or not
my heart goes out to you
and it will always care.
it just sucks at reaching out.

– London, 5th July 2017


when

the moments our eyes met
I felt the corners of my mouth pull
and with the upward motion of my looping heart
I sat and posed one single question
“when are you going to run away with me?”

– London, 4th July 2017


dust storm

I’ve seen the moon disappear behind the far horizon.
I’ve seen stones crumble on concrete.
I’ve seen my hands tremble beneath soft touch.
I’ve seen pouring rain of storms and the shadows burn
And my tears dripping onto the carpet in waterfalls and droplets.
I am an unstable dust storm,
a volcano ready to explode
and the magma might burn
everything that I loved,
leaving nothing good behind.
I am an unstable dust storm,
I can’t conquer this town alone.
I need you to drown my emotions and lingering feelings
even if they end up in a huge pool of nothing
but black spots

– July 2016


the house

I opened every curtain and every window
and the doors were slammed open as if it helped me
catch a scent of you somehow,
as if it helped me stop you in your tracks.
my heart had something tugging on it,
it almost burst from racing so badly
and my eyes were blocked from all the aching
or was it just the dreaming
or the running?
I wasn’t devastated about you being gone
and I still missed you –
just in a different way.

– July 2016


recently

recently I’ve been hopeless
desperately
hopeless
but
strangely enough
I feel myself
hoping

yes, that’s what I am:
hopeless but hoping

– January 2015
I don’t know. This is not a poem.


london city

I’m walking down a street
and it’s the same old street
all over again

I’m crossing a road
and it’s the same old road
all over again

I want to get away
Not because I don’t like it here
Not because I’m bored

In fact, I am hungry for more

I want to explore
Not because I don’t read
Not because I’ve never traveled before

It’s simple, I’m hungry for more

One day I will live in London
with large windows
and a beautiful view

One day I will see all the possibilities
and I won’t waste time
and grab every chance

One day I will be able to see
the sun rise and set
right before my eyes
every single day

One day I will place plants all over the place
and learn to love the noisy traffic
and admire the cold rain

One day I will create my own little world
in that large city
surrounded by many other people with their own little worlds

One day I will live in London
and my world will collide with others’

One day I will walk down a new street,
cross a new road
and bump into you

One day we’ll start talking
and we’ll take a walk
until it’s five in the morning

One day, maybe,
eventually
I’ll be falling for you

One day, in London,
surrounded by so many other little worlds,
you might fall for me, too

– November 2014


catfish

you were unstoppable
you were addicted
not addicted to me
but addicted to lying to me

you lied about your gender,
your story,
your background,
and most importantly
you lied about your feelings

I woke up one day
just to realize
how every single word
you have ever said
was never true

you didn’t mean what you said
and I knew it
I felt it
but you kept denying it
you kept saying you were telling the truth

do you even know what the truth is?

I doubt that

I doubt that you are unhappy
I doubt that you are lost
I doubt that you are lonely
I doubt that you are insecure

now I understand
I was just a game
that you kept winning

and now I am the game
you will always lose

– November 2014
Fuck you. Fuck you for catfishing me over one and a half year, stealing my time, wasting my energy trying to save you. I missed you long after I found out because I thought the person behind it was true. But nothing about you was ever true. So I stopped missing you. And I’m letting go of you.


doesn't it?

doesn’t it hurt
to see how nobody cares
when you’re gone

doesn’t it hurt
to be on your own
when things go wrong

doesn’t it hurt
to feel like everyone could
be just perfectly fine without you

doesn’t it hurt
how nobody ever asks why
when you’re feeling blue

doesn’t it hurt
to realize that everyone
is thinking of their future
without you being part of it

doesn’t it hurt
to feel alone
even when you’re with friends

doesn’t it hurt
to feel invisible and unwanted
in a crowd of so many people

– April 2014
I was depressed.


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